pt 122: EMBRACEABLE YOU

Scampi: Let me get this straight.

 

Peter: Is there a time limit on this activity?

 

Scampi: Good point.  Now we know why you sigh so much.

 

Peter: Why is that?

 

Scampi: SIGHS.

 

PAUSE.

 

Scampi: Ah.  Still got it.

 

Peter: What are you doing?

 

Scampi: Nothing.

 

PAUSE.

 

Scampi: Have we given up on existence?  Because I haven’t.

 

Peter: What?

 

Scampi: You sure are touchy today.

 

Peter: Do excuse me.

 

Scampi: Perhaps.  Guess what I’m doing?

 

Peter: No thankyou.

 

Scampi: I’m fashioning a bailing bucket out of an old household cleaner container.  What do you think of that?

 

Peter: Ingenious.

 

Scampi: Yes.  You can’t leave the shore without a bailing bucket.

 

Peter: Are you boating somewhere?

 

Scampi: It never hurts to be prepared.

 

PETER WINCES.

 

Scampi: Well, I suppose it sometimes hurts a little.  In any case, we can leave this for the international criminal courts to adjudicate!

 

Peter [dully]: Yes.

 

Scampi: You’re not even listening to me.

 

Peter: True.  I am not.

 

Scampi: Humph.  It’s as though there are no thoughts in my head.

 

Peter: Unusual.

 

Scampi: It is unusual.  I am not a concrete brick wall.

 

Peter: Did someone say you were?

 

Scampi: Yes: you did.

 

Peter: I did no such thing.

 

Scampi: Did, too.

 

Peter: This is incorrect.

 

Scampi: You wish.  What would you wish for?

 

Peter: I am not a wishing man.

 

Scampi: I am not a wishing well.

 

PETER CHUCKLES BITTERLY.

 

Scampi: Jeez.  Maybe you should take a chill pill.

 

Peter: None were available.

 

Scampi: The animals have gone to the river.  Why do you think that is?

 

Peter: They are likely thirsty.

 

Scampi: Yes, likely.

 

PAUSE.

 

Peter [suspiciously]: Wait, what animals?

 

Scampi: Oh, you know.  It’s watering time, of course.  We must all drink our fill.

 

Peter: SIGHS.

 

Scampi: Did you ever think of doing anything?

 

Peter [sharply]: What do you mean by that?

 

Scampi: Oh, nothing.  Would you like to lie in the grass while I explore the apple orchard?

 

Peter: What apple orchard?

 

Scampi: This one.

 

Peter: It’s snowing.

 

Scampi: Those are macintosh blossoms.  Golden delicious.

 

Peter: It is wintertime.

 

Scampi: Tell that to the orchard.

 

PETER CLOSES HIS EYES.

 

Scampi: That’s the spirit.  I’m going to check on the view from the treetops.

 

Peter: Yes, do.

 

Scampi: Ahoy!  Bluebirds and grey skies ahead!  Man the pommey-slicer!  Steady down below!

 

Peter [lazily]: That doesn’t mean anything.

 

Scampi: Then why are you smiling?

 

Peter: Did you just dump snow on my head?

 

Scampi: Apple blossoms.

 

Peter: Ah.

 

Scampi: Let’s stay all afternoon.

 

Peter: Impossible.

 

Scampi: How so?

 

Peter: It’s already dark out.

 

Scampi: Certainly not.

 

Peter: Why do you want to stay here?

 

Scampi: Why don’t you?

 

Peter: I didn’t say that.

 

Scampi: All afternoon.

 

Peter: Right.

 

Scampi: Because it’s beautiful.

 

Peter: Ah.

 

Scampi: Because we can.

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