Scampi: Oh, “Peter”.
Peter (warily): Yes?
Scampi: How are you this fine day?
Peter: I am well.
Scampi: Well, indeed. That’s where I’m headed, too. Back to the well. Once again.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Of course you do. You’re not the Chancellor of the Exchequer for nothing!
Peter: The what?
Scampi: You’re a busy man, you are. An immunodiplomatic powerhouse.
Scampi: A clay pot in a dowager’s garden.
Peter: I need a haircut. Do you think I need a haircut?
Scampi: I think I should sharpen myself to a fine point, bounce off the west wall at atomic speed, and raze you a crewcut with my trajectories.
Scampi: Pull up a chair.
Peter: Why’s that?
Scampi: You’re pacing.
Peter: That is my own business.
Scampi: Of course it is, Your Excellency. Humblest apologies.
Peter: What’s with all the honorifics?
Scampi: What’s with being the Minister of Finance?
Peter: That’s not a rebuttal.
Scampi: What is it then?
Peter: It’s a, well, it’s not true.
Scampi: How dare you?
Scampi: The truth is sacred here. We are great proponents of truth and justice and such.
Peter: We are?
Scampi (pompously): Yes.
Peter: I was not aware of this.
Scampi: Hardly surprising. Given your record.
Peter: What record?
Scampi: There are many records. Records are kept.
Peter: And the archivist in charge?
SCAMPI CACKLES KNOWINGLY.
Scampi: That’s right. Hm indeed.
SCAMPI WHISTLES A FRANCO-ROMANIAN BALLAD.
Peter: That noise.
Scampi: What? A guy can whistle.
Peter: You’re not a guy.
Scampi: What does that have to do with anything? Eh?
Scampi: I’m a wanderer.
Scampi: A tinker a tailor.
Peter: You certainly like tinkering.
Scampi: I’m a candlestick maker.
Scampi: I am, in fact. Would you like to purchase a candlestick?
Peter: Not today.
Scampi: What do you mean, not today?
Peter: Perhaps another time.
Peter: What was that?
Scampi: Oh. I’m not sure.
Peter: Was that? Did you just?
Scampi: It fell.
Peter: Let me get the broom.
Scampi: No, no. I’ll do it.
Scampi: Sorry. It fell.
Peter: It doesn’t matter.
Scampi: [humming distractedly] La bohème, la bohème…..
Peter: I think it fell over there.
Scampi: Oh, right, right.
Scampi: I happen to know.
Peter: Full stop?
Scampi: I happen to know that this was not your favourite wineglass or anything.
Peter: Oh? And how do you know that?
Scampi: I just know.
Peter: Convenient for you, isn’t it?
Scampi: (philosophically) It can be.
Scampi: Peter? Petereteretereteretereter.
Peter: Elocution issues?
Scampi: I was just checking if you can hear me.
Peter: I can.
Scampi: I wasn’t sure, you see. I had to check.
Peter: Who were you under the impression you were engaging in conversation with?
Scampi: Dr Preposition and the Fullstops.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: I am unsure how to proceed.
Scampi: What the hell does that mean?
Peter: At the risk of behaving like a thesaurus.
Scampi: I know what it means.
Scampi: I don’t know what you mean. By it. What do you mean?
Peter: I think you need to take a break. Take a breather.
Scampi: From what? You can’t tell me what to do.
Peter: That’s nice. Very nice.
Scampi: What are you saying?
Peter: You’re babbling.
Scampi: So what? What else is new?
Peter: Slow down.
Peter: Okay. Don’t.
Scampi: I won’t.
Scampi: I can’t stop.
Peter: Why is that?
Scampi: I don’t know where I’m going.