Scampi: Peter, what do you have to say about love?
Peter: Pardon me?
Scampi: Oh, cross that out.
Scampi: Or, you know what, just leave it.
Peter: Make up your mind.
Scampi: Well, I’m trying.
Scampi: Don’t make those dubious noises at me. Or, at any rate, what do you think about fishing trips?
Peter: What fishing trips?
Scampi: You know, like the ones you take with your dad.
Peter: I don’t take any fishing trips with my dad.
Scampi: Obviously. But if you did.
Peter: I don’t.
Scampi: I know. But some people do that kind of thing.
Peter: I don’t know anything about it.
Scampi: Yes you do.
Scampi: It’s common knowledge, everyone knows that.
Peter: Everyone who?
Scampi: Stop being so preposterous. I know you know. (aside) Peter knows. He does.
Peter: Who are you talking to?
Scampi: To whom.
Scampi: So, you don’t want to talk about male bonding excursions. That’s fine. That leaves us with a) the weather and / or b) our foundering humanity.
Peter: Jesus Christ.
Scampi: Oh, right. That’s c) religion.
Peter: It’s raining.
Scampi: I don’t believe you.
Peter: It is currently raining.
Scampi: What, right now?
Peter: Yes. Currently.
Scampi: What a know-it-all you are.
Scampi: You know what that is?
Peter: A pair of shoes.
Scampi: No, no.
Peter: It appears to be a pair of shoes.
Scampi: No, the rain.
Peter: Ah, so you’ve acknowledged it’s raining.
Scampi: Pathetic fallacy. That’s what it is.
Peter: I prefer to think of it as precipitation.
Scampi: How precipitous!
Peter: Or condensation.
Scampi: How condescending!
Peter: Is this going to be all about your inability to accept science?
Scampi: Don’t tell fibs, Peter. Fibbing forms no portion of the scientific method.
Peter: For the last time, stop calling me a liar.
Scampi: At the risk of unduly upsetting you, may I point out that this is very likely not the last time you will make that statement?
Peter: TAKES COMFORT IN HIS HAIRCUT.
Scampi: Your arms are all akimbo. Maybe you should have a bath.
Peter: Yes. Maybe.
Scampi: In any event, maybe we should focus on finding an umbrella.
Scampi: If you like.