Scampi: Imagine walking across Australia.
Peter: I would rather not.
Scampi: Why not?
Scampi: Are you saying you couldn’t imagine walking across Australia?
Peter: One imagines it would be a lengthy walk.
Scampi: Well yes. Naturally.
Scampi: The epic journey!
Scampi: Are you tired?
Peter: Do I seem tired?
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Imagine the plant and animal life.
Peter: The flora and fauna of Australia.
Scampi: Yes? This holds no fascination for you?
Peter: I am not a biologist.
Scampi: [sadly] No.
Scampi: [quoting] Like veins, the roads travel everywhere.
Peter: Who said that?
Scampi: Who didn’t say it?
Peter: I did not.
Scampi: I mean veins in the sense of things that are commonly running around all over the place.
Peter: When I said that I was not a biologist, I did not mean to imply that I am completely ignorant of all aspects of human physiology.
Scampi: Big words, buster. Wanna take this outside?
Peter: I do not.
Scampi Ho ho!
Scampi: Here we are, on the road together.
Peter: ‘We’ who?
Scampi: Oh, you know, the two us. By which I mean THE HUMAN RACE.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: One thing we haven’t really addressed –
Peter: Only one?
Scampi: Look here. What about the period between the testaments?
Peter: Oh, yes. How about that period.
Scampi: Alex the Great, Jerusalem, Babylonians, King Cyrus. Eh?
Peter: Did you just say Alex the Great?
Scampi: Oh, pardon me for being so familiar.
Scampi: I mean, you don’t want to study the marsupial population of New South Wales.
Peter: No, I do not.
Scampi: But like, would you walk across Mesopotamia?
Peter: I highly doubt it.
Scampi: What, never?
Peter: Perhaps I have been biased by the daily news.
Scampi: Daily news! What do you know about it?
Scampi: Anyway, there’s a lot going on in Mesopotamia.
Peter: This is perhaps relevant to my inclination against participating in the great Mesopotamian walking tour.
Scampi: As led by Herodotus!
Peter: Presumably the tour kicks off with his exhumation?
Scampi: Mezzo-potamus. On stage, one night only!
Scampi: Do you hear music?
Scampi: No, right now.
Scampi: What do you mean, perhaps?
Peter: It is a possibility.
Scampi: I’ll tell you what’s a possibility.
Scampi: Humph. Have you ever groomed a horse?
Peter: Certainly not.
Scampi: There’s no need to be so defensive.
Peter: I have not groomed a horse.
Scampi: You probably would have, though, if you were a horse farmer.
Peter: Isn’t there a word for that?
Scampi: Yes. It’s called good stewardship.
Peter: A horse-farmer.
Scampi: Thanks for putting that hyphen in there. So, uh, I didn’t confuse this for a conversation about farmer who is a horse.
Peter: I seek to introduce clarity.
Scampi: We’ve met.
Peter: Ahem. It was not apparent.
Scampi: If you stood up, you’d be a comedian. A barrel of laughs.
Peter: I am filled with humours.
Scampi: How phlegmatic.
Scampi: That’s you. Phlegm all over. You should go live in Belgium.
Peter: I do enjoy frites.
Scampi: Freets! Amazing. You’re like, the king of Belgium already.
Peter: I am not.
Scampi: Are too.
Scampi: Yup. Peter Freetsnflem, King of Belgium & Grand Vizier to the Organ Grinders’ Association of Moravia.
Peter: Organ grinders? How did this come up?
Scampi: I’m not the Grand Vizier around here. You tell me.
Scampi: Or as the Russians have it, шарманка.
Scampi: Sharmanka. The hurdy-gurdy man, that’s you.
Peter: I take a great interest in personal fitness, you know.
Scampi: Oh, lord. What’s next, democratic fitness?
Peter: In what sense?
Scampi: I highly doubt it. In that sense.
Peter: You doubt democratic fitness?
Scampi: Yes. In this case, specifically rather than generally.
Peter: Are you casting aspersions on my good character?
Scampi: I am rejecting the premise. The question is thus mooted and diffused with accuracy and grace.
PETER, NOT KNOWING WHERE TO BEGIN, DOES NOT BEGIN. OVERCOME WITH EMOTION, SCAMPI EMBRACES HIM LIKE A LOCKET.
Peter: Is it entirely necessary to attack me in this manner?
Scampi: Yes. It’s definitive.
Peter: Dare I ask?
Scampi: For a definition?
Peter: Likely not.
Scampi: There you go again, answering your own questions.
Peter: As you know, I am loyal to the Socratic method.
Scampi: You know what?
Peter: I have resigned myself.
Scampi: Don’t do that, Peter.
Scampi: I’m not sure. I wanted to say something about the brisk sunlight.
Scampi: Shall we go for a walk?
Peter: It could happen.
Scampi: The germ of possibility.
Peter: Rearing its beak once again.
Scampi: Its beak! Ha!
Peter: We could go for a walk.
Scampi: Prove it.