Scampi: I’ll draw it for you.

Peter: That really is not necessary.

Scampi: Let me make you this diagram.

Peter: To what end?

Scampi: I want to draw it out for you.  To make things clearer.

Peter: Are we in great need of clarity, all of a sudden?

Scampi: No, no.  It has come up on us, bit by bit.

Peter: I see.

Scampi: You are like a rock on the seashore.

Peter: In what sense?

Scampi: In the sense that I said so.

Peter: Ah. Right.

Scampi: Baking in the sunshine like a loaf of wheat.

Peter: Loaf of wheat? What?

Scampi: Why are you so critical today?

Peter: Was I being critical?

Scampi: Yes. Very picky. For some reason. Which I do not know what it is.

Peter: Perhaps you are misinterpreting my words.

Scampi: Impossible!


Scampi: Have you ever seen a cactus?

Peter: Yes.

Scampi: What, really?

Peter: Yes.

Scampi: I mean, not in a plant shop.  Or at the zoo.

Peter: They have cactuses at the zoo?

Scampi: Why shouldn’t they? People can have a cactus if they want.

Peter: Certainly.

Scampi: So, what? You’ve been to the desert, is that what you’re saying?

Peter: That is not what I am saying.

Scampi: Where did you see a cactus then?

Peter: I cannot recall.

Scampi: Humph. This all smacks of trickery.

Peter: Excuse me?

Scampi: Humph.


Scampi: Perhaps you were driving along one day in your little Volkswagen.

Peter: I do not own a Volkswagen.

Scampi: Oh look! sez you to yourself. It be a cactoos yonder.

Peter: I do not speak this way.

Scampi: You’re in a very disagreeable mood today.

Peter: I –

Scampi: What? Do you disagree? Ho, ho!

Peter: Really.

Scampi: And truly. Furthermore, I’d like to know where this boat is going.

Peter: Yes, wouldn’t we all.

Scampi: [craftily] So you admit we’re in a boat.

Peter: What was that?

Scampi: Please pay attention to the map. Do you have anything against maps?

Peter: Certainly not.

Scampi: That’s what I’m saying. We don’t want to end up on a shoal.

Peter: Naturally.

Scampi: Well.


Scampi: What does the chart say?

Peter: [irritably] You haven’t given me a chart.

Scampi: Says you.

Peter: Indeed.


Scampi: I suppose we could ease up. Drift awhile, fish for smelt in the noonday sun.

Peter: I shall simply tip my chapeau over my eyes like so, and avail myself of a siesta.

Scampi: La-de-da. For my part, I shall read aloud from the book of Deuteronomy.

Peter: I would really rather you did not.

Scampi: Heathen!

Peter: Please. There is no need to shriek like a mynah bird.

Scampi: And why not?

Peter: I am right here.

Scampi: Oh. Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?

Peter: SIGHS.

Scampi: Would you like a cushion?

Peter: What was that?

Scampi: The book of Deuteronomy is full of stiff necks, you know.

Peter: I am fine, thank you.

Scampi: Suit yourself.


Scampi: You know what?

Peter: Erm.

Scampi: The shore is so beautiful this afternoon. I feel like a plover.

Peter: Wonderful.

Scampi: Yes. Are you listening to me?

Peter: Mm. Certainly.

Scampi: Okay. What did I just say?

Peter: Okay.

Scampi: Okay.

Peter: Okay.

Scampi: Just checking.


Scampi: Will I wake you if I catch a fish?

Peter: No thank you.

Scampi: Fine.


Scampi: Have you ever been in love?

Peter: I think so.

Scampi: What?

Peter: Yes.

Scampi: Oh. Shall I wake you in case something exciting happens?

Peter: Such as?

Scampi: Uh, dragonflies.

Peter: No, thank you.

Scampi: Fine.


Scampi: Will you fall in love again, do you think?

Peter: Likely.

Scampi: How do you know?

Peter: I am taking a nap.

Scampi: Yes, yes.


Scampi: Have I ever been in love?

Peter: I do not know.

Scampi: Oh.


pt 84: ROSES

Scampi: Bones, bones.

Peter: Are you addressing me?

Scampi: No.

Peter: What did you say?

Scampi: I said no.

Peter: SIGHS.

Scampi: Before that, I said bones bones.

Peter: Why?

Scampi: I’m not sure.


Scampi: Echo!

Peter: Pardon?

Scampi: That’s the complementary noise to your current activity.

Peter: Don’t be tiresome.

Scampi: I shall not.


Scampi: I move that we are in the woods.  The sand trap, if you will.

Peter: Aren’t those two different places?

Scampi: Don’t be so fussy.


Scampi: We just need to figure out which direction to head in.  You see?

Peter: North, south, east, west.

Scampi: Where’s the one that I love best?

Peter: Pardon?

Scampi: As you are familiar with the nature of a compass rose.

Peter: I am.

Scampi: I needn’t point out that we might head north by north west.  South by south east.

Peter: We might.

Scampi: You sound exhausted.  Are you suffering from exhaustion?

Peter: I am not.

Scampi: You might be.

Peter: Perhaps.

Scampi: Well, try and take it easy now.  We don’t want you dropping like  a cat.

Peter: What?

Scampi: That’s what I’m saying.  Now, let’s head in the direction of the sun, shall we?

Peter: If you like.

Scampi: But is the sun rising or setting?

Peter: It is difficult to tell.

Scampi: I suppose that’s why they call it an adventure.

Peter: I suppose so.

Scampi: Cheer up, Peter.

Peter: I am in perfectly good spirits.

Scampi: [snorts]  Sunward, ho.  Aren’t you coming?

Peter: [REVOLVES.]

Scampi: Hm?

Peter: Yes.  I am.


Scampi: Let’s go to Nassau.

Peter: What’s that?

Scampi: We will start in the Caribbean, reprovision in Madagascar, and then make our way to the Malabar Coast.

Peter: I see.

Scampi: Taking all the East India Shipping boats by surprise as we go.

Peter: You want to be a pirate.

Scampi: In the seventeenth century sense.

Peter: And what sense is that?

Scampi: A historical one.

Peter: I see.

Scampi: “The great affair is to move.”

Peter: Mm.

Scampi: Have you looked at the weathervane?

Peter: I have not seen a weathervane.

Scampi: How about the windsock?

Peter: What windsock?

Scampi: Well, what direction is the wind coming in from?

Peter: I do not know.

Scampi: It’s coming from the northwest.  Lightly.  Cat’s paws on the water.

Peter: You are certainly full of information today.

Scampi: I am.


Scampi: I’m tired.

Peter: Yes.  I am tired also.


Scampi: Do you think of yourself as the Executive Officer of this boat?


Peter: No. What boat?


Scampi: Very interesting.


Peter: To which boat are you referring?


Scampi: Stop being coy.




Scampi: Perhaps if you climbed up the mast, we could see where we were going.


Peter: Excuse me?


Scampi: You know, like a lookout. From the crow’s nest.


Peter: That is hardly necessary.


Scampi: That’s what you say now.


Peter: Yes. It is.


Scampi: There’s no need to be so terse with me.


Peter: Oh?


Scampi: That’s right. No need whatsoever.




Scampi: Look at the sun on the water!


Peter: Ah.


Scampi: The coruscating wavelets!


Peter: Are you quite well?


Scampi: Of course I am.


Peter: I see.


Scampi: The brighter the sun gets, the fluffier the clouds.


Peter: Although I by no means give credence to the relationship inferred, I will agree that the sun is bright and the clouds are fluffy.


Scampi: Orotund.


Peter: Are you speaking about me?


Scampi: Of course not. Absurd!


Peter: Oh.


Scampi: The green trees are waving in a summer breeze. I could almost capitulate.


Peter: Figuratively?


Scampi: No, to the ice cream vendor.


Peter: Is the ice cream truck here?


Scampi: No.


Peter: Oh.


Scampi: If he were, you would have heard the song.


Peter: Is that a song?


Scampi: It’s a tune, anyway. On top of his van.


Peter: I know it well.


Scampi: Of course you do.   [SINGS] And when I die, there’ll be one child born…


Peter: I declare it a beautiful day for a stroll.


Scampi: I concur.




Scampi: You know what the sun reminds me of?


Peter: What?


Scampi: A giant black pit.


Peter: Black holes? Are you talking about space?


Scampi: No. I am saying that this brightness reminds me of the darkness.


Peter: That is the contrarian way.


Scampi: It is not!




Peter: Are you all right?


Scampi: No, I am all wrong.


Peter: What was that?


Scampi: It was my attempt at a cartwheel.


Peter: Ah.


Scampi: “Are you all right?” Blah blah.


Peter: Please do not mimic me in this fashion. It is highly distasteful.


Scampi: Such a connoisseur, that’s our Peter.


Peter: I belong to no one.


Scampi: Don’t be so sure.


Peter: It looked more like you were attempting to give yourself a concussion. Or at any rate, a contusion.


Scampi: The latter object may have been a success, after all.


Peter: Are you bleeding?


Scampi: None of your beeswax.


Peter: This is very disquieting.


Scampi: What is?


Peter: I simply wished to go for a stroll.


Scampi: So? What else is new?


Peter: It was not an attempt at novelty.


Scampi: One of us has to step up to the plate on that score.


Peter: To what end?


Scampi: I can’t think.


Peter: Why is that?


Scampi: Who are you, Sigmund Freud?


Peter: No. I am Carl Jung.


Scampi: I can’t think any more today.


Peter: Might I aver that I would never refer to myself as Carl Jung?


Scampi: No.


Peter: It has grown rather noisy.


Scampi: Let’s run away.


Peter: I prefer to walk.


Scampi: Don’t I know it.


Peter: Are you limping?


Scampi: No.