pt 123: AQUINAS

Scampi: Personally, I’m not concerned with whether we exist or not.




Scampi: Right?


Peter: Hm?


Scampi: Peter!


Peter: Yes?


Scampi: I am concerned with other features.


Peter: Features.


Scampi: What are you, a parakeet?


Peter: No.


Scampi: Ho ho.  Of course not.  The very idea.  It’s absurd.


Peter: Correct.


Scampi: The wind, it howls.


Peter: This has been observed.  Over time.


Scampi: Overtime!  The good guys win it all!


Peter: I do not follow sports.


Scampi: That’s not what they say in England.


Peter: Oh?


Scampi: They call it sport.  Singular.


Peter: Singular, indeed.


Scampi: I don’t even believe we have any feelings.


Peter: We?


Scampi: Any of us.  Why should we?


Peter: As in, what practical use do they serve?


Scampi: You Darwinian monster.


Peter: Pardon me?


Scampi: I just mean, why should we, why shouldn’t we?  It’s highly uninteresting.


Peter: I see.  Not to pry, but what is interesting?


Scampi: Oh, you know.


Peter: Enlighten me.


Scampi: Everything else.  Pretty much.


Peter: Such as?


Scampi: Mollusks.  Typography.  That sort of thing.


Peter: Thank you for clearing up this issue.


Scampi: I am at your service.  As per usual.




Scampi: This exists, that exists.  I am unconcerned with these questions.


Peter: Yes, I can see that.


Scampi [eagerly]: Can you?


Peter: Indeed.


Scampi: How?


Peter: By the way you keep harping on them.


Scampi: Whoa, grumpiness.


Peter: I am not grumpy.


Scampi: Hokay.  Step away from de vehicle.


Peter: What are you talking about?


Scampi: Oh, you know me.  Just twiddling my opposable thumbs.




Scampi: Opposable thumbs, hey?  This is pretty nice.




Scampi: Yo, what’s up, doc?


Peter: I am stretching my legs.


Scampi: I am stretching my synapses.  Hey, remember the apple orchard?


Peter: No.


Scampi: No?


Peter: No.


Scampi: Not at all?


Peter: No.


Scampi: Oh.


Peter: Why do you ask?


Scampi: Just wondering.




Scampi: Have you noticed that we’re surrounded by natural beauty?


Peter: I have.


Scampi: Well?


Peter: Well what?


Scampi: What do you think of that?


Peter: I think it’s fine.


Scampi: It certainly is.  Roly poly mammals, craggy cliffs.  What more could you want?


Peter: I haven’t seen any cliffs.


Scampi: Of course you have.


Peter: I have not.  Not recently.


Scampi: Perhaps you should look up.


Peter: Not today.


Scampi: Why not?  Scared?


Peter: Not today.


Scampi: Tomorrow they may be gone.


Scampi: Let me get this straight.


Peter: Is there a time limit on this activity?


Scampi: Good point.  Now we know why you sigh so much.


Peter: Why is that?


Scampi: SIGHS.




Scampi: Ah.  Still got it.


Peter: What are you doing?


Scampi: Nothing.




Scampi: Have we given up on existence?  Because I haven’t.


Peter: What?


Scampi: You sure are touchy today.


Peter: Do excuse me.


Scampi: Perhaps.  Guess what I’m doing?


Peter: No thankyou.


Scampi: I’m fashioning a bailing bucket out of an old household cleaner container.  What do you think of that?


Peter: Ingenious.


Scampi: Yes.  You can’t leave the shore without a bailing bucket.


Peter: Are you boating somewhere?


Scampi: It never hurts to be prepared.




Scampi: Well, I suppose it sometimes hurts a little.  In any case, we can leave this for the international criminal courts to adjudicate!


Peter [dully]: Yes.


Scampi: You’re not even listening to me.


Peter: True.  I am not.


Scampi: Humph.  It’s as though there are no thoughts in my head.


Peter: Unusual.


Scampi: It is unusual.  I am not a concrete brick wall.


Peter: Did someone say you were?


Scampi: Yes: you did.


Peter: I did no such thing.


Scampi: Did, too.


Peter: This is incorrect.


Scampi: You wish.  What would you wish for?


Peter: I am not a wishing man.


Scampi: I am not a wishing well.




Scampi: Jeez.  Maybe you should take a chill pill.


Peter: None were available.


Scampi: The animals have gone to the river.  Why do you think that is?


Peter: They are likely thirsty.


Scampi: Yes, likely.




Peter [suspiciously]: Wait, what animals?


Scampi: Oh, you know.  It’s watering time, of course.  We must all drink our fill.


Peter: SIGHS.


Scampi: Did you ever think of doing anything?


Peter [sharply]: What do you mean by that?


Scampi: Oh, nothing.  Would you like to lie in the grass while I explore the apple orchard?


Peter: What apple orchard?


Scampi: This one.


Peter: It’s snowing.


Scampi: Those are macintosh blossoms.  Golden delicious.


Peter: It is wintertime.


Scampi: Tell that to the orchard.




Scampi: That’s the spirit.  I’m going to check on the view from the treetops.


Peter: Yes, do.


Scampi: Ahoy!  Bluebirds and grey skies ahead!  Man the pommey-slicer!  Steady down below!


Peter [lazily]: That doesn’t mean anything.


Scampi: Then why are you smiling?


Peter: Did you just dump snow on my head?


Scampi: Apple blossoms.


Peter: Ah.


Scampi: Let’s stay all afternoon.


Peter: Impossible.


Scampi: How so?


Peter: It’s already dark out.


Scampi: Certainly not.


Peter: Why do you want to stay here?


Scampi: Why don’t you?


Peter: I didn’t say that.


Scampi: All afternoon.


Peter: Right.


Scampi: Because it’s beautiful.


Peter: Ah.


Scampi: Because we can.