pt 33: STURGEON AND THE FUTURE

Scampi: Let me tell you something.  There was a distinct trout theme to yesterday.  Has this ever happened to you?

 

Peter: A trout has never happened to me.

 

Scampi: Not that you would know.

 

Peter: Ahem.

 

Scampi: I was more curious about thematic coherence.  Are your days ever a symphony of thematic coherence?

 

Peter: No.

 

Scampi: If you’re busy or you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.

 

Peter: What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Scampi: I just think you’re not really taking the time to think about my question before you answer.

 

Peter: [SIGHS.]  Uh, that some sort of theme animal would intermittently splash up through the fluid of my daily grind?  No, I don’t think so.

 

Scampi: Fine.  Well yesterday for me contained about nine hundred occurrences of trout.

 

Peter: What kind of trout?

 

Scampi: Just trout.

 

Peter: What about sturgeon?

 

Scampi: No sturgeon.  Not really.

 

Peter: What do you mean, not really?

 

Scampi: That’s what I mean.

 

Peter: In my experience (limited though it may perhaps be) there is either a sturgeon, or there isn’t.

 

Scampi: That’s why you are Peter, and I am Scampi.

 

Peter: I find this response to be dissatisfactory.

 

Scampi: I don’t expect factories to be sated.  I am looking for joy elsewhere, my friend.

 

Peter:  Like where?

 

Scampi: Well, not in the auto sector, for starters.

 

Peter: Are you implying that I look for joy in the auto sector?

 

Scampi: Don’t get all offended.  I wasn’t implying anything.  I was just saying, that’s not where I’m looking.  [PAUSE.]  I mean, you aren’t either.  You’re exemplary.

 

Peter: Really.

 

Scampi:  Sure.  You set an example for us all.

 

PETER COUNTS HIS BEARD.

 

Scampi: Are you looking forward to something?

 

Peter: I look forward to many things.

 

Scampi: Like what?

 

Peter: I am looking forward to having a bath.

 

Scampi: Oh.

 

Peter: Is that not sufficient?

 

Scampi: Well, a bath is fine, I guess.  But I meant something larger, like snow.

 

Peter: The computers of the future?

 

Scampi: Aren’t they here already?

 

Peter: No.  The computers of the present are here.  The computers of the future have not yet arrived.

 

Scampi: But you’re excited for them.

 

Peter: About them.

 

Scampi: Maybe they’ll be made of people.

 

Peter: Absolutely not.

 

Scampi: Then they might be happy.  Then you could be excited for them.

 

Peter: This belongs in a comic book for twelve year olds.  It has nothing to do with computers.

 

Scampi: You’re very touchy today.

 

Peter: I am bogged down by the incessant howling of my nervous system.

 

Scampi: Oh.  I’m sorry.

 

[PAUSE.]

 

Scampi: I’m not part of your nervous system am I?

 

Peter: [COMES DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO LAUGHING.]  No.

 

Scampi: Okay.  So, if you were one of the knights of the Round Table, which one would you be?

 

Peter: If I was what?

 

Scampi: You know what I’m talking about.  King Arthur’s knights.

 

Peter: Yes, I am aware of them.

 

Scampi: I know you are.  Which one would you be?

 

Peter: Are there any named Peter?

 

Scampi: Come on.  If you could be any of them.

 

Peter: Which one got the most sleep?

 

Scampi: You know what I think?  I think you’d be King Pellinore.

 

Peter: That’s wonderful.

 

Scampi: You don’t know who King Pellinore is, do you?

 

Peter: [GLARES.]

 

Scampi: Ok, ok.  But see, King Pellinore had this thing for the Questing Beast.  He was always looking for it.

 

Peter: Are you suggesting I’m always looking for something?

 

Scampi: No, I’m suggesting that you would be King Pellinore.

 

Peter: If we lived in the Arthurian legend.

 

Scampi: That’s right.  Isn’t that exciting?

 

Peter: No.

 

Scampi: Do you know who I’d be?

 

Peter: No.

 

Scampi: Me neither.  But I would help you look.

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