Scampi: Let me tell you something.  There was a distinct trout theme to yesterday.  Has this ever happened to you?


Peter: A trout has never happened to me.


Scampi: Not that you would know.


Peter: Ahem.


Scampi: I was more curious about thematic coherence.  Are your days ever a symphony of thematic coherence?


Peter: No.


Scampi: If you’re busy or you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.


Peter: What’s that supposed to mean?


Scampi: I just think you’re not really taking the time to think about my question before you answer.


Peter: [SIGHS.]  Uh, that some sort of theme animal would intermittently splash up through the fluid of my daily grind?  No, I don’t think so.


Scampi: Fine.  Well yesterday for me contained about nine hundred occurrences of trout.


Peter: What kind of trout?


Scampi: Just trout.


Peter: What about sturgeon?


Scampi: No sturgeon.  Not really.


Peter: What do you mean, not really?


Scampi: That’s what I mean.


Peter: In my experience (limited though it may perhaps be) there is either a sturgeon, or there isn’t.


Scampi: That’s why you are Peter, and I am Scampi.


Peter: I find this response to be dissatisfactory.


Scampi: I don’t expect factories to be sated.  I am looking for joy elsewhere, my friend.


Peter:  Like where?


Scampi: Well, not in the auto sector, for starters.


Peter: Are you implying that I look for joy in the auto sector?


Scampi: Don’t get all offended.  I wasn’t implying anything.  I was just saying, that’s not where I’m looking.  [PAUSE.]  I mean, you aren’t either.  You’re exemplary.


Peter: Really.


Scampi:  Sure.  You set an example for us all.




Scampi: Are you looking forward to something?


Peter: I look forward to many things.


Scampi: Like what?


Peter: I am looking forward to having a bath.


Scampi: Oh.


Peter: Is that not sufficient?


Scampi: Well, a bath is fine, I guess.  But I meant something larger, like snow.


Peter: The computers of the future?


Scampi: Aren’t they here already?


Peter: No.  The computers of the present are here.  The computers of the future have not yet arrived.


Scampi: But you’re excited for them.


Peter: About them.


Scampi: Maybe they’ll be made of people.


Peter: Absolutely not.


Scampi: Then they might be happy.  Then you could be excited for them.


Peter: This belongs in a comic book for twelve year olds.  It has nothing to do with computers.


Scampi: You’re very touchy today.


Peter: I am bogged down by the incessant howling of my nervous system.


Scampi: Oh.  I’m sorry.




Scampi: I’m not part of your nervous system am I?




Scampi: Okay.  So, if you were one of the knights of the Round Table, which one would you be?


Peter: If I was what?


Scampi: You know what I’m talking about.  King Arthur’s knights.


Peter: Yes, I am aware of them.


Scampi: I know you are.  Which one would you be?


Peter: Are there any named Peter?


Scampi: Come on.  If you could be any of them.


Peter: Which one got the most sleep?


Scampi: You know what I think?  I think you’d be King Pellinore.


Peter: That’s wonderful.


Scampi: You don’t know who King Pellinore is, do you?


Peter: [GLARES.]


Scampi: Ok, ok.  But see, King Pellinore had this thing for the Questing Beast.  He was always looking for it.


Peter: Are you suggesting I’m always looking for something?


Scampi: No, I’m suggesting that you would be King Pellinore.


Peter: If we lived in the Arthurian legend.


Scampi: That’s right.  Isn’t that exciting?


Peter: No.


Scampi: Do you know who I’d be?


Peter: No.


Scampi: Me neither.  But I would help you look.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s