Scampi: I have a few things to tell you.
Peter: I’m busy.
Scampi: Well, I have a few things to tell you anyway.
Peter: Is that the case?
Scampi: Yes. Feeling defensive?
Peter: Is this one of the things you had to tell me?
Scampi: No. It was a question.
Peter: I can sense a headache approaching.
Scampi: Well, change seats.
Peter: Pardon?
Scampi: If you can’t see the show, you know. Switch seats.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Anyway, there are some Spanish expressions involving mules. Did you know that?
Peter: I confess that it does not surprise me.
Scampi: Well ceded.
Peter: I ceded nothing.
Scampi: For a change. Do you know what the expressions are?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Really?
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: One is ‘burro de Caleta’. You know what that means?
Peter: I do not.
Scampi: It means you’re drunk all the time.
Peter: Pardon me?
Scampi: The expression. It’s about a beer-fed mule.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Obviously, if you were a mule who hung around drinking beer all day, you’d be drunk.
Peter: Obviously.
Scampi: I like to think we’re making progress here.
Peter: In what sense?
Scampi: I don’t know. I don’t think it’s true, in any event.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: I’m just sampling, you know. From an array of available platitudes.
Peter: I heartily approve of this program.
Scampi: Oh, good.
Peter: I did not say that.
Scampi: Yes, you did.
Peter: In no way, shape, or form did I make that statement.
Scampi: Oh, right. Who said it then?
Peter: No one said it.
Scampi: If no one said it, then what are we talking about?
Peter: That is illogical.
Scampi: I’m sure you’d like to think so.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Let’s put down blankets and bivouac here.
Peter: Right here?
Scampi: Why not?
Peter: I suppose.
Scampi: That’s right. We can watch the stars rattle.
Peter: Stars do not rattle. Rattling is not a property of gaseous entities.
Scampi: Ha! You should look in the mirror.
Peter: What?
Scampi: Oh, nothing. I want to lie down.
Peter: Very well.
Scampi: We’re in Georgia. Did you know?
Peter: We are?
Scampi: Yes.
Peter: Which Georgia?
Scampi: The one that’s on our way.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: We’re here for the peaches. We’re here to sleep.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Your hair grows faster while you’re sleeping.
Peter: Incorrect.
Scampi: Pah. You’d like to think so.
Peter: You are taking a very cavalier attitude toward scientific facts today.
Scampi: That’s right. Scientific facts are welcome to hop on for a canter. We cavaliers like to see the world!
Peter: Go to bed.
Scampi: What are you talking about?
Peter: I hope you’re not waiting for me to fall asleep.
Scampi: I don’t care if you do or if you don’t.
Peter: Fine. I intend to remain lucid a while longer.
Scampi: Lucid! You wish.
Peter: You are tired. Sleep.
Scampi: You’re tired, yourself.
Peter: I am.
Scampi: And cold. Have a sweater?
Peter: Hm?
Scampi: It’s wool. It will keep you warm.
Peter: Thank you.
Scampi: No problem.
Peter: Good night, Scampi.
Scampi: Good night, Peter.
Radiofree Scampytail 