Scampi: Speaking of equations.


Peter: Were we?


Scampi: No. Yes.




Scampi: Well, that’s nothing new.


Peter: What?


Scampi: It’s all you do these days. Clearing your throat.


Peter: Ahem.


Scampi [derisive snorting]: On the ex wye axes.


Peter: What?


Scampi: Blah blah. Et cetera.




Scampi: Do you want to take a nap?


Peter: Not at all. I want to fill my lungs with air.


Scampi: Good luck with that.


Peter: Thank you.


Scampi: There are several things to be said on each point.


Peter: Oh?


Scampi: I can barely keep my eyes open.


Peter: I find that enjoying the outdoors can help.


Scampi: What do you know about it?


Peter: The outdoors?


Scampi: Or anything.


Peter: I know a few things about grade eight level mathematics.


Scampi: Buzz buzz.


Peter: Are you an insect?


Scampi: Would it matter?


Peter: Yes.


Scampi: I think so. It would matter.


Peter: Uh. Are you crying?


Scampi: What the hell is wrong with you, Peter?


Peter: From an evolutionary perspective?


Scampi: Asking these insane questions.


Peter: [chuckles.]


Scampi: What are you laughing at?




Peter: In fact, I do not know.


Scampi: Usually.


Peter: Hm?


Scampi: You’re a bit on the perky side today.


Peter: Oh no. Not I.


Scampi: Fiddlesticks.




Scampi: Pow.


Peter: What was that?


Scampi: Sharpshooting.


Peter: Are you still on about Annie Oakley?


Scampi: No. These are sixshooters.


Peter: What are?


Scampi: See these paws?


Peter: Yes.


Scampi: Pow pow pow pow.


Peter: What are you doing?


Scampi: I’m blasting all your posters off the walls. Yeehaw!


Peter: Must you?


Scampi: Bang-a-lang.


Peter: This is very childish behaviour.


Scampi: You are.


Peter: There you go again.


Scampi: I sure do. Smouldering goats! I’m on a RAM-PAGE.


Peter: Heavens.


Scampi: God, I’m tired.




Scampi: And don’t touch my forehead.


Peter: I was doing no such thing.


Scampi: I know.




Scampi: Tangent.


Peter: Pardon?


Scampi: Oh, nothing.






Scampi: The possibilities bloom like roses.


Peter: I see.


Scampi: Do you?


Peter: Well, no.


Scampi: The fixed points; the abstractions. Ex here, wye there.


Peter: Yes.


Scampi: It all seems fairly straightforward.


Peter: Okay.


Scampi: We have the capacity, as humans.


Peter: Yes?


Scampi: And yet.


Peter: And yet.



pt 45: PILOTS

Scampi: Peter, did you know that Annie Oakley could split a playing card edge-on at a distance of ninety feet?


Peter: Who?


Scampi: With a twenty-two. You know, like a gun.


Peter: I would like to submit that I abhor violence.


Scampi: Yes yes. But she was a sharpshooter, like a marksman. Markswoman. In Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show. No violence.


Peter: Hm.


Scampi: So, this playing card. Apparently Annie Oakley could put five or six more holes in it before it hit the ground.


Peter: So she didn’t like cards.


Scampi: This is a disingenuous response to what is in fact an extraordinary feat of hand-eye coordination. You know, what you use to play video games.


Peter: I do not.


Scampi: Sure.




Peter: Did you just give me the finger?


Scampi: No. Jeez, go back to what you were doing.




Scampi: What were you doing, anyway?


Peter (sighs): I am currently using my laptop to hack the mainframe.


Scampi: What?


Peter: Look, I’ll explain later.


Scampi: Fine. Be that way.


Peter (patiently): You will like it. I promise.


Scampi: Fine fine. Ok.




Scampi: You know what else about Annie Oakley?


Peter: No. What else about Annie Oakley?


Scampi: She was married to a man.


Peter: Call the papers!


Scampi: I wasn’t finished. When she died, of pernicious anaemia, her husband stopped eating. Frank Butler. Which was his name. He just stopped eating, and he died eighteen days later.


Peter: Can you source any of these statements?


Scampi: Maybe you should go use your laptop to hack the mainframe of the Tree of Knowledge.


Peter: What?


Scampi: Nothing. Death is pernicious, isn’t it?


Peter (yawning): It certainly seems that way.


Scampi: I want a twenty-two.


Peter: I feel that this would likely cause great damage to yourself. Not to mention me.


Scampi: Says you.


Peter: Yes. This is what I say.


Scampi: Many years ago, when airplanes were new, what do you think they looked like?


Peter: I know what they looked like. One does not require, ahem, excellent research skills to procure images of the Wright Brothers in action, for example.


Scampi: No, I mean what do you think they looked like? To the people?


Peter: Like airplanes.


Scampi: But there weren’t any airplanes before.


Peter: Before?


Scampi: Before that. So they wouldn’t of looked like airplanes at all. They would’ve looked like something completely new.


Peter: Perhaps.


Scampi: I know what I know, Peter.


Peter: Wittgenstein—


Scampi: Stop! No philosophy!


Peter: SIGHS.


Scampi: I hate philosophy.


Peter: No comment.


Scampi (sotto voce): And I hate you.


Peter: What did you say?


Scampi: Nothing!


Peter: You know—


Scampi: No, really. Nothing at all. I was just, ah, thinking out loud.


Peter: What?


Scampi: Nothing.


Peter: I think you should get some sleep.


Scampi: Yeah ok. Goodnight, Peter.


Peter: Goodnight.


Scampi: Peter?


Peter: Yes?


Scampi: Do you think we’ll make it over the border?


Peter: Presumably.


Scampi: Ok.


Peter: Why?


Scampi: Just curious.


Peter: Ah.


Scampi: Peter?


Peter: Yes?


Scampi: What if we don’t?


Peter: Go to sleep.


Scampi: I am. But what if?


Peter: What?


Scampi: Nothing.


Peter: Sorry?


Scampi: Sorry. Nothing.



Scampi: Peter?


Peter: Uh-huh.


Scampi: Annie Oakley didn’t have anything against playing cards.


Peter: Ok.


Scampi: She was just being accurate.