Scampi: My head is filled with cages.
Peter: Ahem.
Scampi: Bars of light and darkness.
Peter: Are you speaking figuratively?
Scampi: No.
Peter: I see.
Scampi:
Episodes 85-96
pt 92: THE CRANES ARE DIGGING
Scampi: [STRETCHES EXPANSIVELY]
Peter: Hey now.
Scampi: What?
Peter: You might do well to manage your limbs a little more comprehensively.
Scampi: Yes, yes.
Peter: What time is it?
Scampi: I don’t see what that has to do with anything.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: Do you feel a chill?
Peter: A chill?
Scampi: That’s what I said. In the air.
Peter: Hm. Not really.
Scampi: Not really?
Peter: No.
Scampi: I’m going to make some coffee.
Peter: Are you chilly?
Scampi: No.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: I’m fine.
Peter: I am going to take a walk.
Scampi: You are?
Peter: I am.
Scampi: Right now?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: There’s no need to sound so – put-upon.
Peter: What?
Scampi: Like it’s such a big hassle for you. Talking to me.
Peter: Well, if you’re going to say things like that.
Scampi: I wouldn’t say things like that if you didn’t go around sounding so put-upon.
Peter: I am unfamiliar with this expression.
Scampi: Lies!
Peter: I am going to step outside.
Scampi: We are outside.
Peter: We are not.
Scampi: We are!
Peter: This argument is tedious.
Scampi: How could you?
Peter: I shall absent myself.
Scampi: Stop saying that.
PETER STEPS OUTSIDE.
Scampi: We ARE outside!
PAUSE.
Scampi: Oh me.
Peter: Is something the matter?
Scampi: I thought you left.
Peter: Momentarily, perhaps.
Scampi: Why would you do that?
Peter: I think you take certain things too seriously.
Scampi: Not true.
Peter: Hm?
Scampi: Really?
Peter: Perhaps.
Scampi: I am slightly excitable.
Peter: Rather.
Scampi: Today.
Peter: What’s up?
Scampi: Don’t patsy me.
Peter: Excuse me?
Scampi: I can see what you’re doing. Trying to coddle me with the vernacular.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Are you laughing at me?
Peter: I am not.
Scampi: Oh.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I get the feeling it’s autumn. Do you know what I mean?
Peter: It is not.
Scampi: I know.
pt 87: THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER
Scampi: Teeter eeter.
Peter: What are you doing?
Scampi: Teader toader.
Peter: Gibberish.
Scampi: Basically.
THE RAIN OF THE AGES.
Scampi: This keeps happening.
Peter: What does?
Scampi: It keeps happening to me.
Peter: The weather?
Scampi: No, no.
Peter: Are you all right?
Scampi: Does it matter?
Peter: Don’t be a child.
Scampi: I wasn’t aware there was an option.
Peter: I have rolled up my trouser cuffs.
Scampi: Good for you.
Peter: This will prevent them from absorbing moisture.
Scampi: The inclement elements.
Peter: The very ones.
Scampi: I am here.
Peter: Okay.
Scampi: I am here I am here I am here. You are, too.
Peter: If you say so.
Scampi: What did you say?
Peter: Just now?
Scampi: Did you just say that?
Peter: Say what?
Scampi: Jesus H.
Peter: What does the ‘h’ stand for?
Scampi: Helvetica.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: [sighs]
Peter: What?
Scampi: I was just sighing. To myself.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: Not that it matters.
PETER SAMPLES A FINGERTIP.
Scampi: Why are you grimacing?
Peter: I am not.
Scampi: Wow. Look.
Peter: A lake.
Scampi: Looks like a lake.
Peter: Let’s take a look.
Scampi: Stop talking like that.
Peter: Pish posh.
Scampi: It is a lake.
Peter: Well.
Scampi: A body of water, anyway.
Peter: Could be a loch.
Scampi: Could be a tarn.
Peter: Tarnation!
Scampi: That wasn’t funny.
Peter: What are you laughing about then?
Scampi: Well yes.
PAUSE.
Scampi: A body of water, anyway.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: We could dip our toes.
Peter: Perhaps.
Scampi: It would be refreshing. We could use a little refreshment.
Peter: Rather.
Scampi: What do you think?
Peter: I am troubled.
Scampi: No, you aren’t.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: You know what he said?
Peter: Who?
Scampi: That’s what I’m saying. Anyway, he said we must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Can you imagine? What a thing to say.
Peter: We must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Scampi: Yes. Can you do that?
Peter: Imagine things?
Scampi: Sure.
Peter: Perhaps.
Scampi: Oh, well. That’s conclusive.
Peter: Why must we do this?
Scampi: I don’t need to tell you.
Peter: Illuminating.
Scampi: I don’t. Can you do it?
Peter: I have not yet tried.
Scampi: Oh, for crying out loud.
Peter: Calm yourself.
Scampi: You calm yourself.
Peter [philosophically]: I do.
Scampi: Lies.
Peter: Don’t start.
Scampi: We are always starting. Always coming up new.
Peter: I don’t know what you mean by this.
Scampi: Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: I am here. I mean, look at my skin.
Peter: A beautiful sheath.
Scampi: What?
Peter: I thought we were talking about skin.
Scampi: We were, we weren’t. No difference.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I am here, right? So what? So are you. You are here!
Peter: If you say so.
Scampi: Oh no.
pt 88: CRITTERS
Scampi: Do I look worried to you?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Okay.
Peter: This is my favourite time of year.
Scampi: Yeah, right.
Peter: It is.
Scampi: I know.
Peter: Then why? Actually, forget it.
Scampi: ‘Tis forgotten.
Peter: I’m glad you’re not fiddling around with that compass.
Scampi: Oh really?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Why?
Peter: I found it tiresome.
Scampi: Hoity toity.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: “This is my favourite time of year.” “I hate your compass.”
Peter: You’re being rude.
Scampi: Oh, that’s rich.
Peter: Excuse me?
Scampi: Whatever.
Peter: Are you tired?
Scampi: No.
Peter: Maybe you need to take a nap.
Scampi: You can’t tell me what to do.
Peter: Not to push the idiomatic envelope here,
Scampi: I’ll push your envelope.
Peter: Goodness.
Scampi: Also, badness.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Is this a lecture on moral philosophy?
Peter: Why do you ask?
Scampi: Because if it is, I’m leaving.
Peter: Well, that is your choice.
PAUSE.
Peter: Why are you looking at me like that?
Scampi: I’m not actually leaving. Peter.
Peter: Oh. I see.
Scampi: I wonder if you do.
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: I really do. I wonder all the time.
Peter: You are certainly full of questions.
Scampi: What’s that supposed to mean?
Peter: Ahem.
Scampi: Oh. Right.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Do you –
Peter: Hm?
Scampi: I mean.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I mean, have you ever do you?
PAUSE.
Scampi: Peter?
Peter: This is very frustrating.
Scampi: What? What is?
Peter: The way you are speaking.
Scampi: I’m just trying. To say.
Peter: What?
Scampi: Bravery.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Well?
Peter: I am loathe to make this request in light of how unlikely it is that you will honour it. However: please explain yourself.
Scampi: I am, I am. I just want to know what you think about bravery.
Peter: As a quality?
Scampi: No, as a book title.
Peter: I suppose this could be a book by Tom Clancy.
Scampi: Peter. I mean, are we brave?
Peter: We?
Scampi: Are you?
Peter: I don’t know.
Scampi: Like, are you scared?
Peter: Right now?
Scampi: Sure.
Peter: No.
Scampi: Really?
Peter: There’s no need to sound so surprised.
Scampi: How else am I supposed to register my surprise? Eh?
PAUSE.
Scampi: So you aren’t scared. You’re like, ready.
Peter: For what?
Scampi: The eventualities.
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: Of like, existence. Or whatever.
Peter: Ahem.
Scampi: I’m not worried. You said.
Peter: I did?
Scampi: Basically.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Are we brave, Peter?
Peter: I don’t know. I don’t understand the question.
Scampi: I want to be.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: But I don’t know how.
pt 90: WHAT THE STARS LOOK LIKE
Scampi: Takin’ it easy on a Sunday!
Peter: It isn’t Sunday.
Scampi: Who cares?
Peter: I do.
Scampi: Why? It doesn’t matter.
Peter: In that case, why did you say that?
Scampi: It’s just something I wanted to say. It doesn’t matter what day it is.
Peter: If it doesn’t matter what day it is, then I don’t see why you had to mention the day. That it isn’t.
Scampi: Peter!
Peter: Lower your voice.
Scampi: Come on. It can be whatever day we want.
Peter: That is incorrect.
Scampi: No, it isn’t.
Peter: It is.
Scampi: Nope. Isn’t.
Peter: It has to be the day that it is.
Scampi: Oh really?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Interesting. So, what day is it?
Peter: I –
Scampi: Ha! Foiled again!
Peter: Really.
Scampi: I like to think that we’re sitting on some lawn chairs. You know. On the porch, on the lawn. Howsoever it may be.
Peter: Right now?
Scampi: Right now. Sitting in our Muskoka chairs, our Adirondack chairs. The low buzz of insects.
Peter: What sort of insects?
Scampi: Oh, Mr Inquisitive!
Peter: [offended] I was taking a polite interest.
Scampi: That’ll be the day.
PAUSE.
Scampi: We’re sitting in the sun. And the shade. I mean, we’re not being assaulted by the sun, but it’s sunny out. What do you think of that?
Peter: I hope I am wearing a hat.
Scampi: Yes, yes. It’s all taken care of.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: You’re reading the paper. No, I’m reading the paper. I’m reading all the weird bits aloud. To you. It’s starting to get on your nerves.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: You see what I’m saying?
Peter: Suburban life has its trials and tribulations.
Scampi: No!
Peter: Excuse me?
Scampi: You were there with me! That’s what I’m saying.
Peter: Where?
Scampi: With the paper. And the reading and the sun and shade. And the insects.
Peter: I was not. I was here.
Scampi: But you thought you were there.
Peter: Untrue.
Scampi: Oh, for a moment.
PAUSE.
Scampi: How many constellations do you know?
Peter: Personally?
Scampi: No, no. Like, how many can you tell what they are?
Peter: Several.
Scampi: Like what?
Peter: That’s the Big Dipper.
Scampi: In Ireland they called it The Plough.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: It’s true.
Peter: Did I say that I disbelieved you?
Scampi: You implied it.
Peter: In what way?
Scampi: With your tone.
Peter: A simple misinterpretation of my tone on your behalf, I assure you.
Scampi: Oh, right.
Peter: Don’t antagonise me.
Scampi: I wasn’t.
Peter: Fine.
PAUSE.
Scampi: The plow. Furrows and furlongs. What else?
Peter: I am not an expert on farming.
Scampi: What about astronomy?
Peter: There is the lure of celestial bodies, to be sure.
Scampi: Yes. Like Tycho Brahe.
Peter: What about him?
Scampi: The Swedish astronomer with the golden nose. (Or Danish.)
Peter: I am aware of this personage.
Scampi: I know. I thought we were talking about astronomy.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: What else do you know about him?
Peter: Other than his gilt prosthetic proboscis?
Scampi: Uh huh.
Peter: He worked with Kepler.
Scampi: In Prague.
Peter: I believe so.
Scampi: I can just see it.
Peter: With Kepler, he developed the first three laws of planetary motion.
Scampi: Of course!
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: The heavens!
Peter: I’m not sure what you mean.
Scampi: They probably looked up a lot and said things like, “the heavens”.
Peter: Uh. Possibly.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Oh sorry.
Peter: Hm?
Scampi: I thought that was your hand.
Peter: No.
Scampi: Do you feel smaller?
Peter: Than what?
Scampi: Looking at the stars?
Peter: No.
Scampi: You don’t?
Peter: Smaller than a star?
Scampi: Smaller than yourself.
Peter: That is impossible.
Scampi: Is not.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I mean like, smaller than you think of yourself being. This is a commonly understood concept.
Peter: That is no defence of its veracity, methinks.
Scampi: Showoff.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: Oh, look: a shooting star.
Peter: I did not see it.
Scampi: Really?
Peter: Truly.
Scampi: Yeah.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I didn’t see it either.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: I wanted to say that, though.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Anyway, there might’ve been one.
Peter: I suppose.
Scampi: Of course there could have. It has to be possible.
Peter: That a shooting star could exist?
Scampi: Sure.
Peter: Okay.
Scampi: We inhabit a garden of possibilities, Peter.
Peter: You are fond of repeating this.
Scampi: It’s true.
Peter: Mm.
Scampi: I put the paper down on the grass. We are looking out at that gorgeous sunset.
Peter: We are lost out here.
Scampi: With the stars.
pt 86: DIRECT SUNLIGHT, LIMBS
Scampi: Can you speak Italian?
Peter: Are you asking me?
Scampi: Who else would I be asking?
Peter: If I speak Italian?
Scampi: Do you?
Peter: Certainly not.
Scampi: Yeah I knew that.
Peter: Then why did you ask?
SILENCE.
Scampi: Have you ever tried to see the backs of your legs? It’s impossible.
Peter: I can see my calves.
Scampi: Yeah, so can I. I mean the backs of your legs. That you can’t see.
Peter: Why do you wish to know?
Scampi: I dunno.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I do not know.
Peter: Perhaps I shall avail myself of a siesta.
Scampi: A siesta? Avail yourself?
Peter: Both.
Scampi: Je-suss.
Peter: Uh.
Scampi: The sun is shining.
Peter: Yes. It fatigues me.
Scampi: Fatigues you?
Peter: That is what I said.
Scampi: Goddam.
Peter: So much bluster.
Scampi: Well, yes. It’s the only appropriate response to this sort of – mania.
Peter: My desire to take a nap?
Scampi: Precisely. Who do you think you are, Rip van Winkle?
Peter: Certainly not.
Scampi: You don’t sound so sure.
Peter: I am not debating this.
Scampi: Why? Because you can’t?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Oh ho!
Peter: What does that even mean? That doesn’t mean anything.
Scampi: Why don’t you just curl up under the mountain? On a pile of treasure?
Peter: Because I am not a dragon.
Scampi: Says you. What happened to embracing the world?
Peter: Someone’s arms got tired.
Scampi: What? What?
Peter: Who said anything about embracing the world, anyway?
Scampi: I did. I just did.
Peter: Yes. Well, now’s your chance.
Scampi: How many times do I have to say this, Peter? We’re in this venture together.
Peter: What venture?
Scampi: This one.
Peter: Are we venture capitalists? Is that what you’re saying?
Scampi: Of a sort. Perhaps.
Peter: I didn’t hear anything about embracing the world. That wasn’t in the contract.
Scampi: Ebenezer Scrooge.
Peter: This analogy montage is giving me cerebral spasms.
Scampi: Keep up.
Peter: Calm down.
THANKS TO PETER AND HIS WAYS, AN IMPASSE IS FORCED.
Scampi: Thanks a lot.
Peter: Wait, how was this my fault?
Scampi: Such protestations. Goodness.
Peter: I don’t appreciate this sort of –
Scampi: Jerrymandering?
Peter: Japery.
Scampi: Oh, Peter.
Peter: That is my name.
Scampi: We know. That is the one thing we’ve been able, with the available instruments, to establish, time and time again.
Peter: What instruments?
Scampi: The ones at our disposal, evidently.
Peter: Hm.
Scampi: I could build a fire.
Peter: Out of what?
Scampi: It’s something we can do. We human creatures.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: We could have some coffee. Would you like some coffee?
Peter: I feel faint.
Scampi: It will get better. Keep your limbs moving.
Peter: I feel. Ah.
Scampi: I know. It won’t last.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: It will get better. Soon.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Keep moving.
pt 85: A LITTLE BIT OF ATMOSPHERE
Scampi: Can’t
Peter: Immanuel?
Scampi: Jesus.
PAUSE.
Scampi: You look like you got some sun.
Peter: Perhaps.
Scampi: Sometimes I think your hands are made of wax.
Peter: They are not.
Scampi: Candle wax.
Peter: Incorrect.
Scampi: I’m just saying. That’s all.
Peter: Well.
Scampi: What do you think about that?
Peter: About you saying things that are untrue?
Scampi: Forget it.
Peter: I shall do my best.
Scampi: Do you hear a crackling?
Peter: In your voice?
Scampi: No. In the air.
Peter: No.
Scampi: It’s electric. The air.
Peter: Your voice is cracking a little.
Scampi: It isn’t.
Peter: Okay.
Scampi: It is not.
Peter: Fine.
Scampi: I like pinecones.
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: I do. Nice shape they have.
Peter: It is an ingenious design.
Scampi: [with great disdain] Design!
Peter: Roomy, yet delicate.
Scampi: Just like you!
Peter: I am not roomy.
Scampi: [CACKLES]
Peter: Well.
Scampi: Horses are good, too. All that kind of stuff.
Peter: What kind of stuff?
Scampi: You know, horses. And stuff.
Peter: Horses? And?
Scampi: Stuff.
Peter: Stuff.
Scampi: You know what I mean.
Peter: This is rarely an accurate statement.
Scampi: [GUFFAWS.]
Peter: I fail to see the humour.
Scampi: This is generally an accurate statement.
Peter: Are you quite finished?
Scampi: With what?
Peter: This tomfoolery.
Scampi: Tomfoolery! Oho, Peter!
Peter: No comment.
Scampi: Har har.
PAUSE.
Scampi: You and your waxy fingertips.
Peter: They are not waxen. This has been established.
Scampi: Waxy.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: Do you know what a dagesh is?
Peter: Perhaps.
Scampi: I bet you don’t.
Peter: That’s rude.
Scampi: It’s a dot.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: In Hebrew consonants. It strengthens them.
Peter: I see. Perhaps I did know that.
Scampi: Yeah right. Anyway, can you imagine? Strengthening a consonant.
Peter: I don’t see why not.
Scampi: Humph. Imagine yourself.
Peter: I don’t generally have to.
Scampi: Being strengthened by a dot, I mean.
Peter: I am not a consonant.
Scampi: Don’t be too sure.
Peter: I am fairly sure.
Scampi: Well, it’s nothing to be smug about, anyway.
Peter: I don’t think—
Scampi: You probably think you’re some kind of a vowel! Ha ha.
Peter: Incorrect.
Scampi: And sometimes y!
Peter: I am not a member of the alphabet.
Scampi: A member! You’re killing me.
Peter: That is not the intent.
Scampi: Ah, the comprehensive Aristotelian tragedy. Intent has nothing to do with it, I’m afraid.
Peter: That is cause to be fearful.
Scampi: It is.
THE SILENCE OF BLACKBIRDS.
Scampi: Would you like to know something else about the language of our fathers?
Peter: What are you talking about?
Scampi: The shva. You know what that is?
Peter: I do not.
Scampi: I know. You know what it does?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Ha. It represents four things, four different things. Grammatical entities. Get this.
Peter: One hopes I shall, eventually.
Scampi: Resting, moving, and floating are the first three. You know what the last one is?
Peter: Hang-gliding?
Scampi: No. Bleating. (Or bellowing.) Can you imagine?
Peter: Being so often in your company leaves little about bleating and bellowing to the imagination.
Scampi: Humph. I bet you’d be strengthened by a pinprick to the middle.
Peter: As I have recently stated, I am not a consonant.
Scampi: True. You might deflate.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: It would probably sound like that, too. Or not.
PENSIVE MOMENT.
Peter: Are you suffering from a broken heart, perchance?
Scampi: I liked it better when we were talking about horses.
pt 89: PROXY
Scampi: There are a couple of things to say.
Peter: Regarding?
Scampi: Yes. Regarding the subject of beauty.
Peter: Oh, this.
Scampi: Correct. This.
Peter: Beauty is subjective.
Scampi: Incorrect. Do not fill my ear with stupidities.
Peter: Pardon me?
Scampi: Look, I’m just saying. Don’t mind me.
Peter: You look utterly exhausted.
Scampi: No, I don’t.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: Beauty is like luck.
Peter: Evasive?
Scampi: Ha! You’re so cunning, Peter.
Peter: What?
Scampi: With your little jokes.
Peter: Oh. Well.
Scampi: To continue.
Peter: To continue.
Scampi: It is a difficult thing, this moving along.
Peter: I suppose.
Scampi: One foot and then the next.
Peter: This is how we walk.
Scampi: Yes, but that’s what I’m saying.
Peter: Pardon?
Scampi: We walk, we walk. One foot in front of the other.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Where the hell are we going?
Peter: That way.
Scampi: And more to the point, why aren’t we running?
pt 91: THE BROOD MARE IN THE SULTAN’S STABLES
Scampi: When I was a child.
Peter: When was this?
Scampi: Very hilarious.
Peter: I am simply looking for a degree of clarity.
Scampi: A modicum, if you will.
Peter: Could be.
Scampi: Could be.
PAUSE.
Scampi: You like adventure stories.
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: At sea.
Peter: When I was a boy.
Scampi: Yes.
Peter: There was a certain appeal.
Scampi: Are you suggesting that the appeal is gone?
Peter: I am no longer a boy.
Scampi: No debate there.
Peter: I didn’t say there was.
Scampi: And I agree wholeheartedly.
PAUSE.
Scampi: With the whole of my heart.
PETER CAREFULLY PLACES HIS HANDS INTO HIS POCKETS.
Scampi: I like tales of adventure. Myself.
Peter: [sighs] You certainly do.
Scampi: Feats of bravery, clever castaways.
Peter: Uh.
Scampi: I am for it. You know.
Peter: Fairy tales.
Scampi: Adventure.
Peter: What are you driving at? May I ask?
Scampi: Why do we always have to talk about what I’m driving at?
Peter: One wonders.
Scampi: Coffee?
Peter: No, thank you.
Scampi: Really?
Peter: Yes. Really.
Scampi: Fine.
PAUSE.
Scampi: What do you think of harmony?
Peter: Uh, harmoniousness. Or, possibly, two or more individuals producing complementary note combinations.
Scampi: What are you, a dictionary?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Right. I said what do you think about harmony. Not what is it.
Peter: How do these two subjects differ?
Scampi: What you think about something and what it is?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Come on.
Peter: I am here.
Scampi: I wonder sometimes.
PETER SHRUGS, IRRITABLY.
Scampi: Oh, very nice.
Peter: What?
Scampi: Nothing.
PAUSE.
Scampi: Have you ever held a baby?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: That’s all?
Peter: Have I misunderstood the question?
Scampi: I mean, Yes? That’s all?
Peter: I have held a baby.
Scampi: What did you think about it?
Peter: I was very careful.
Scampi: Did this happen only once?
Peter: On each occasion.
Scampi: God.
Peter: You do like to invoke the Judeo-Christian deity.
Scampi: You like to presume.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Ah, a clearing.
Peter: You call this a clearing?
Scampi: What do you call it? A meadow?
Peter: I might.
Scampi: You might.
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Well, do you?
Peter: I could.
Scampi: Look, Peter. A meadow!
Peter: This is very nice.
Scampi: Let us rest awhile.
Peter: Where?
Scampi: How about here?
Peter: Hm.
Scampi: Or here?
Peter: Yes. Or perhaps just there.
Scampi: Okay.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I can hear the humble-bees.
Peter: What?
Scampi: Buzz buzz.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: The clover. The honeyed air.
Peter: Mm.
Scampi: Are you sleeping?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Do you know a story?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Tell it!
Peter: Perhaps another time.
Scampi: Why not now?
Peter: Now is not the time.
Scampi: Why not?
Peter: B- – snurfle – vor – – fleece.
Scampi: What? What?
Peter: My voice becomes muffled when my hat is resting on my face.
Scampi: I’ll say.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I like stories.
Peter: You certainly do.
pt 95: _______
Scampi: Good to see you.
Peter: I realise you like to keep a diary.
Scampi: I don’t.
Peter: Well, whatever you like to call it.
Scampi: What?
Peter: I did not realise this was such a sensitive subject for you.
Scampi: I have no idea what you’re on about. But, what do you think?
Peter: Of inaccurate records?
Scampi: No: Eugene?
Peter: Who?
Scampi: Do you think Onegin really meant to kill Lensky?
Peter: I do not follow that sort of thing.
Scampi: That’s ridiculous.
PAUSE.
Scampi: He can’t really have wanted to. But then why did he do it?
Peter: I do not know.
Scampi: Clearly.
Peter: Well, it’s nice to see you, too.
Scampi: We see each other all the time. So what?
Peter: I feel that this is not the case, in fact.
Scampi: Stop bickering.
Peter: SIGHS.
Scampi: Some people [astronomers] felt that it was divine, being able to foretell the motions of the planets. The heavens.
Peter: Divine? You mean in the Middle Ages?
Scampi: L’Âge des ténèbres!
Peter: Hm?
Scampi: Maybe I’m talking about the Reformation.
Peter: Perhaps you are.
Scampi: After the days of darkness. The days of light!
Peter: The Enlightenment?
Scampi: I’m not saying we have to dwell on history or anything. Around here.
Peter: What are you saying?
Scampi: I said it already. I distinctly mentioned astronomy.
Peter: I didn’t hear you.
Scampi: Humph. Do you know what a contrarian is?
Peter: I do.
Scampi: No you don’t.
Peter: Oh?
Scampi: A contrarian is someone who buys stocks.
Peter: I believe the term for that individual would be “stockbroker”.
Scampi: Hilarious. Someone who buys stocks when others are selling and sells when others are buying.
Peter: Where did you find this information?
Scampi: Why? Are you jealous?
Peter: No.
Scampi: Well, there you have it.
Peter: That is not an answer.
Scampi: Not for King Herod, anyway.
Peter: Are you suggesting that I am a fop?
Scampi: No. Impossible.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: I just think it’s fun when we learn new words.
Peter: Education is important.
Scampi: And no one knows this better than you! Har har.
PAUSE.
Scampi: I can’t go on.
Peter: What was that?
Scampi: I said,
Peter: You look tired.
Scampi: Hardly.
Peter: Slightly.
Scampi: One brick on top of the other. This is how you build a house.
Peter: I thought we discussed the finer points of architecture previous to this juncture.
Scampi: I thought there was no architecture previous to this juncture.
Peter: How so?
Scampi: What a delightful fresco!
Peter: Pardon?
Scampi: I’m being a lady in Italy. Looking at the buildings.
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: That’s right. We could go to Italy.
Peter: It is certainly within the realm of possibility.
Scampi: What did you say? I know what you said.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Well, let’s go!
Peter: Ah, there are a few complications, of course.
Scampi: We can work as deckhands, on a steamer. We can work in a café, on the Arno.
Peter: The plausibility.
Scampi: Yes?
Peter: It seems a stretch.
PAUSE.
Peter: I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you.
Scampi: Does it matter if you mean to?
Peter: It does, I believe.
Scampi: And then Tatyana was married. She rebuffed his advances.
Peter: Is this another Russian literature reference?
Scampi: Time is moving, Peter.
Peter: In what sense?
Scampi: It’s like a river. Even if we just sit there, it moves us along.
Peter: I suppose this depends on the river in question.
Scampi: It’s a deep one.
Peter: Well.
Scampi: That, too.
Radiofree Scampytail 