pt 128: THE LONG ANSWER

Scampi: The result of this was, of course,

Peter: What was that?

Scampi: Which part?

Peter: I am not speaking to you.

Scampi: To whom are you speaking?

Peter: It’s private.

Scampi: What are you, carrying around a two-way radio?

Peter: Affirmative.

Scampi: Oh.  Okay.

THE WIND WHISTLES “THE IRISH WASHERWOMAN”.

Scampi: Have you ever been to a vicarage?

Peter: No.

Scampi: Oh.

Peter: Why do you ask?

Scampi: Why wouldn’t I ask?

Peter: Do not speak to me in this manner.

Scampi: Don’t tell me what to do.

PAUSE.

Scampi: It’s odd, isn’t it?

Peter: Excuse me?

Scampi: Telling someone not to tell you what to do.  Ridiculous!

Peter: It is gratifying to see you thus entertained at my expense.

Scampi: Your expense!

Peter: Indeed.

Scampi: Oh, you’re so generous with your expenses.

Peter: Ahem.

Scampi: A vicarage is where a vicar lives.

Peter: Yes.

Scampi: Don’t pretend to know all about it.  You’ve never even been to one.

Peter: This does not preclude me from knowing what one is.

Scampi: Oh yeah?

Peter: Yes.

Scampi: What is it, then?

Peter: What?

Scampi: Pardon?

Peter: What is what?

Scampi: You sound so silly right now.  Like a gander.

Peter: What are you talking about?

Scampi: There’s no need to yell.  Just because you don’t know what a vicarage is.

Peter: Incorrect.

Scampi: What is it, then?

Peter: A vicarage?

Scampi: Obviously.

PETER EXPELS AN EXCESS OF AIR.

Peter: It is the residence of a vicar.

Scampi: I already told you that.  Doesn’t mean you know anything about it.

Peter: I see.

Scampi: I love to watch the play of light upon the hills.

Peter: Charming.

Scampi: It is charming.

Peter: Mm.

Scampi: It’s not like I’m suggesting you eat the hills or anything.

Peter: May one enquire as to the location of the geographic features to which you are referring?

Scampi: Features!  You gobbledy gander!

Peter: This is the second time today that you have identified me as a member of the Anatidae family.

Scampi: And?  What of it?

Peter: Furthermore, I do not see any hills.

Scampi: Why not?

Peter: Because there aren’t any there.

Scampi: Where?

Peter: In my line of vision.

Scampi: Well, perhaps you should change your line of vision.

Peter: It’s all hills and geese with you, today, I suppose.

Scampi: I have no idea why you would say such a thing.

PETER EMITS A SMALL SQUAWK, WORTHY OF A MEMBER OF THE SUBFAMILY ANSERINAE.

Scampi: I suppose we could talk about current events.

Peter: Such as?

Scampi: Or the latest teams to win the cup.

Peter: Ah, the Cup.

Scampi: “Home we brought you shoulder-high.”

PAUSE.

Scampi: The hills could be any hills, you know.  They could be mountains.

Peter: I see.

Scampi: I like to watch the light drift.

Peter: Perhaps you are over-tired.

Scampi: Are you talking to me, or the radio?

Peter: I am speaking to you.

Scampi: One can never tell.  These days.

Peter: These are the days.

Scampi: We are quite lucky, really.  To be swaddled in days like this.

Peter: Is that so?

Scampi: Yes.  That’s so.

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