Scampi: Let’s have a strategic plenary session.
Peter: To what end?
Scampi: I’m just giving you an example of how people talk.
Peter: Well-executed.
Scampi: [SHUDDERS.]
Peter: Are you chilly?
Scampi: No. Although I hear the river Jordan is.
Peter: One would imagine it to be temperate.
Scampi: What do you know about it?
Peter: [AFFRONTED.]
Scampi: Do you need a new pair of shoes?
Peter: Perhaps. No.
Scampi: For our new set of adventures, I mean.
Peter: Did we have an old set of adventures?
Scampi: Yes.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: It’s important to go out into the world equipped with adequate footwear.
Peter: Certainly.
Scampi: Well, that’s what I’m saying.
Peter: No one doubts your expertise when it comes to footwear.
Scampi: In fact, I am too warm. Like a woolly sheep in spring.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: Well, what are we going to do?
Peter: Are we shepherds?
Scampi: What? No.
Peter: What are we going to do about what?
Scampi: I don’t know.
Peter: Oh.
Scampi: I am not sure what happens next, you see.
Peter: No one is sure of that.
Scampi: No one? Pfft.
Peter: If you don’t want my opinion,
Scampi: Opinions? Who said anything about opinions?
Peter: In my opinion, you did.
Scampi: This is not the juncture to introduce subjective lollygagging into the conversation.
Peter: I see.
Scampi: This is a time for action!
Peter: Ah.
Scampi: Action! Let’s direct a western!
Peter: Why would we do that?
Scampi: Why not?
Peter: Firstly,
Scampi: No, no. This could be our big break.
Peter: There’s no business like show business.
Scampi: I propose we call our picture “The Adventures of Peter and Scampi”.
Peter: I feel that would be uncomfortable.
Scampi: What?
Peter: For us.
Scampi: Nonsense.
Peter: I don’t think that it would be possible. At this time.
Scampi: That’s ridiculous. It’ll be about two birds named, say, Scampi and Peter. They’re riding across the wild west, looking for the horizon. When they find it, there’s a big party. Everyone attends. A Mexican fiesta. Yeehaw!
Peter: I don’t know.
Scampi: What could possibly go wrong?
Peter: It is a risky strategy. I believe.
Scampi: How so?
Peter: Well, it seems, perhaps –
Scampi: Spit ‘er out there, pardner.
Peter: Autobiographical.
Scampi: What?
Peter: The storyline.
Scampi: That’s absurd!
Peter: Is it?
Scampi: Certainly.
Peter: Some of the facts do seem to line up, you know.
Scampi: With what?
Peter: With what is already there.
Scampi: What are you talking about?
Peter: Us.
Scampi: What about us?
Peter: Our western sounds a lot like us.
Scampi: That’s madness. We’re not birds.
PENSIVELY, PETER BURIES HIS BEAK IN HIS FEATHERS.
Peter: I just don’t know if we’re ready for the movies.
Scampi: You’ll be a star!
Peter: I feel a sense of foreboding.
[DANGEROUS INSTRUMENTALS.]
Scampi: No fear. That’s just the score.
Peter: What are you doing?
Scampi: Now?
Peter: Yes.
Scampi: Oh, nothing.
FIN.
