Scampi: I, for one, have no problem discussing things that aren’t there.
Peter: Isn’t that called gossiping?
Scampi: Not at all. Gossiping is discussing people that aren’t there.
Peter: I agree.
Scampi: But I said things. Things.
Peter: So, you like to gossip about things.
Scampi: You are deliberately obfuscating my purposes.
Peter: How dare you.
Peter: I didn’t realise you were in such a foul mood today.
Scampi: And this is how you achieve détente? Honestly.
Scampi: Oh, I’m sorry. That entry in your lexicon has probably been hacked out. With a pair of plastic children’s arts and crafts scissors. Probably.
Peter: With what?
Scampi: Forget it.
Peter: How can I forget it if I don’t know what it is?
Scampi: [Nice use of italics. Copycat.]
Peter: Excuse me?
Scampi: Nice weather we’re having.
Scampi: Fancy a trip to the ballet?
Peter: What, now?
Scampi: Why the hell not, Peter?
Peter: There’s no need to say my name so…..
Peter: Well, yes.
Scampi: I wasn’t.
Scampi: I would never use your own name as a weapon against you.
Peter: Well, that’s a comfort.
Scampi: I was merely suggesting that perhaps a trip to the ballet’s in order.
Scampi: Perfect. I shall book our tickets presently.
Peter: That is to say, I must first consult my schedule—
Scampi: There is a hard k sound in that word, I’ll have you know.
Peter: Perhaps I have a previous engagement. And of course, today may not be—
Peter: You see.
Scampi: A simple ‘no’ would suffice.
Peter: When has a simple ‘no’ sufficed with you? May I be so presumptuous as to inquire?
Scampi: You wouldn’t know if it had.
Peter: Well, when has it?
Scampi: When last you tried it. And when was that?
Peter: Well, I—
Peter: Are you calling me a hound?
Scampi: In a manner of speaking.
Scampi: Anyway, I’ve seen a lot of sunsets lately.
Scampi: Not that you care. But I have been present for a number of them. Setting suns. Well, I don’t always see them. But I know what’s going on.
Scampi: When the sun sets. Like, I might not be watching the colour.
Scampi: Yes. Nonetheless, I know night’s coming on.
Peter: It is?
Scampi: It has been. It was.
Peter: Is this a grammar review?
Scampi: Probably. With bonus background squalor.
Peter: Such as?
Scampi: The racket of crows. Racketeering.
Peter: But that means –
Scampi: I know what racketeering means, Maestro. Jay-sus.
Peter: I believe you just called me Maestro.
Scampi: I’d like to see you prove that in a court of law.
Peter: I could.
Scampi: No doubt. I am waiting, on tenterhooks, as they say.
Peter: I feel you are making a mockery.
Scampi: Of what, your legal aspirations?
Scampi: Litigation’s not your strong suit, I don’t think.
Peter: I never said it was.
Scampi: Yes. And I’m saying it isn’t.
Peter: The accuracy of your judgment has been called into question before.
Scampi: By who? The invisible magistrate you’re busy romancing with your silver tongue?
Peter: Pardon me?
Scampi: Ha! Pardoned, my lord!
Scampi: Perambulation, now. This could be your strong suit.
Peter: I am an excellent walker.
Scampi: And a shameless braggart, to boot.
Peter: Are you speaking of me?
Scampi: Har. Not at all, not at all. I am speaking around you. Do you know what they call this?
Scampi: That’s right. Circumlocution. Like a choo-choo train in the 1800s.
Peter: I object.
Peter: That’s enough of that, that,
Scampi: Sustained, I say! Case closed!
Peter: Uh huh.
Scampi: Congratulations, counsel.
Peter: (flattered) Well, thank you.
Scampi: You are an excellent specimen of human elasticity!
Peter: Oh. I.
Scampi: A barrister of note! A solicitudinous solicitor!
Peter: Yes well.
Scampi: In light of your great achievements, I would hereby like to call you to the bar!
Peter: Wait, doesn’t that happen before—
Scampi: The COFFEE BAR!
Scampi: Pardon? Or would you like some tea?
Peter: In fact, I would.
Scampi: Is that all? Why didn’t you say so in the first place?
Peter: I don’t know.
Scampi: One pot o’ tea, coming right up.
Scampi: Let me just put the kettle on.
Scampi: Oh look!
Scampi: The sun is setting.
Scampi: The colours. At the risk of repeating myself.
Peter: You brave that precipice regularly.
Scampi: I do.
Scampi: It is a risk I am willing to take.
Peter: It is.
Scampi: I do love the colours, Peter.
Peter: I know you do.
Scampi: I love them every time.