Scampi: What do you call it when the air snaps and cracks – is that electricity, or dust?

 

Peter: Uh.

 

Scampi: You know what I mean. Don’t you? You do. You know – when the air makes that sort of crackling noise, like static on a carpet.

 

Peter: When dust particles suspended in the air have sunlight passing through them they look kinda crackly. Or, um, fireflies? Is that what you mean?

 

Scampi: No.

 

Peter: I have only ever experienced what you’re describing subjectively, before a thunderstorm.

 

Scampi: Oh.

 

 

Scampi: Are you asleep?

 

Peter: No. Reading.

 

Scampi: I am watching the spectacles on your nose. They are sitting like, right at the end. And your hair on your forehead, like a young man.

 

Peter: What?

 

Scampi: When your hair is on your forehead like that, it makes you look more like a younger man, or maybe someone from a hundred years ago.

 

Peter: That would make me an older man.

 

Scampi: Shut up. That’s not what I meant.

 

Peter: Did you just tell me to shut up?

 

Scampi: No. Cross that out.

 

Peter: [Scampi: Shut up.]

 

Scampi: You know what’s really stupid? Feminist organisations that are stuck in some stupid thing like the second wave, or maybe the third. Wait, what wave are we on now?

 

Peter: Well—

 

Scampi: Like some dumb feminist organisation in 1997. I hate that shit.

 

Peter: Why did you decide you hate 1997 feminist organisations today?

 

Scampi: That’s not what I said. That was three weeks ago, in the morning. This is three weeks later, and it’s dark out.

 

PETER, QUIETLY READING, LETS IT GO.

 

Scampi: Do you want some potatoes? Or beets?

 

Peter: No.

 

Scampi: Because there are some.

 

Peter: Really?

 

Scampi: Yeah.

 

Peter: Are they delicious?

 

Scampi: Pretty much.

 

PETER GLOWS IN SCAMPI’S DIRECTION

 

Scampi: Are you pregnant?

 

Peter: (stares at his stomach, and makes it pop out more) Yes. I’m carrying our love child.

 

Scampi: Because you’re glowing.

 

Peter: I’m glowing? I shaved today.

 

Scampi: No, that’s not it.

 

PETER LEAVES THE ROOM.

 

PETER RETURNS.

 

Peter: Your potatoes and beets are internationally renowned for their deliciousness.

 

Scampi: (blush).